Monday, 26 September 2016

SPOONIE: Depression and the black dog.

Friday night something swept over me. Id had a great day out with a friend, and a really nice chinese. Yet I felt like someone had put this heavy chain mail cloak over me and I couldn't move.

Thinking I was just tired I went off to bed. Saturday started fine and we spent the day just lazing around, watching telly but i kept feeling my anxiety rising. Anxiety and Depression when playing up at the same time feel suffocating. The Anxiety makes your heart race, and feel on edge while the depression side wants to shut you down. We went out for dinner, we went to tesco and I felt really happy, laughing and joking with my brother.

Then I got home and cried. I feel pretty worthless at the moment. I feel like I should have some kind of plan and yet I am just kind of muddling along. I am so up and down at the amount. I cant do anything without analysing every little detail. I have been saying yes to things and then when it comes down to it not being able to go along.

I feel like I am letting a lot of my friends down and I feel like I am going to end up alone.

Tom has been fantastic. He understands that sometimes I need to nap. Sometimes I need to cry.

I have also been thinking is it my anxiety stopping me doing things, or am I doing some things just because I feel I should. I have been talking to a couple of my friends (no need to tag them, they know who they are and one especially helped me out loads on saturday night) and I have to think that sometimes I dont want to go clubbing, I like to spend my nights in with Tom.

I have written this because thats what I do. I write. I write my feelings and right now I am not feeling too good. I know I can get out of this, but it will take a while. Im going away from friday and I hope to sort my head out while Im away. Whether I blog or not while I am away I dont know

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 

Sunday, 25 September 2016

BLOG LOVE: Sunday round up five!

I don't know if its just because I have been watching lots of fashion week coverage this week but looking back through the posts I have been loving on bloglovin they are all very fashion related! On top of that I have a list as long as my arm of posts I want to write for Shoestring Chic and I am gettin really excited about the prospect of getting stuck in!

Anyway which posts have I been loving this week?

1. £1 Oasis Skirt


 Well you know by now that I love me a charity shop bargain (and if you dont you are probably new here so hi!) and nothing gets me more excited than something of quality that costs just one english pound! Hannah bought this oasis skirt for that solitary pound and I love the outfit she put together with it!

2. What To Wear To London Fashion Week 


When I met lana at the bloggers festival last year I couldnt help but be in awe of how put together she looked. I was strangely drawn to her outfit in this post despite the fact that I never wear jeans! I thought it was the perfect outfit that looked comfy but well put together, smart but not too done up!

3.My first charity shop shopping spree at LOROS 

 
 When I took Sophie to one of my favourite charity shops I was so bloody nervous! Anyone who regularly charity shops it can be a gold mine but it can also leave you feeling down. For this reason I chose to take her to By Design, a curated shop by LOROS. I was so excited that all three of us (Kirstie came too) managed to find gems!! 
4. Things no-one will tell fat girls: the g-rated version





Anyone who listens to me will know I have listened to this audiobook in full twice and random bits most days. When I need a boost it tells me what I need to hear (fat isnt the worst thing, I am worthy regardless of my weight etc) and so I loved jes for posting this G rated version on the blog!

5. Blogging, Twitter & Sponsorship - what should you be declaring




I am starting to think of Hayley as my guru for all things blogging. I make no secret in the fact that I have no intention to blog full time, however I eventually like to work with brands etc especially on my fashion blog. Hayley is a wonderful fountain of knowledge who manages to put things so plainly and is always happy to answer questions! Everyone should read this!

So there you go! Which posts have you been loving this week? I would love for more people to take part in this, so why not upload your own bloglove post on a sunday? I might even start a linky if people are interested ...


Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 


 

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Spoonie: More blood test results and contact dermatitis.

I feel at the moment my blog has become very spoonie post heavy, but I guess that just mirrors realty that my life seems to be very much spoonie centred at the moment so that's how that goes.

I finally feel like I have a GP that is on my level. I went to see her yesterday and came out with a list of tests she wants to do and a list of medications to pick up (thank god for my pre payment certificate) and so the general problems I'm trying to sort at the moment (on top of the IBS, Anxiety, Depression and Fibro ....)

Contact Dermatitis

I find this one really strange actually! My hands have suddenly all started breaking down and bleeding. I showed my GP and she said I could be from the hand washing at work but I find that strange because I've been doing that for nearly 7 years now and never have a problem before. After doing a little research on the NHS choices website it can be cause by an allergen or an irritant so this gives me more of a reason to start a food and symptom diary to try and work out what's upsetting me!

She has prescribed me steroid cream and hydromel and we will see how it goes. Unfortunately while my skin is open I cant work clinically which has stressed me out because when I don't work I don't get paid. I am wondering if it is worth looking into admin type jobs.

Possible H Pylori Infection

This one bugs me. I have had this infection twice before and I don't understand why it keeps coming back. It makes it hard for me to eat much and my food just feels like it sits in my stomach and takes forever to move. If I do have this again I may end up having another gastroscopy to see if I have a stomach ulcer and I HATE gastroscopies.

If I do have this its a course of antibiotics and a retest a few weeks later. If you read this post you will know how much I hate antibiotics ...

Severe vitamin D deficiency

This one is one that doesn't totally surprise me. Its just a course of tablets and regular blood tests to check my progress.

Anyway, that's what's going on with me right now! I am actually looking forward to starting my food diary and trying to work things out. I'm also working on some stress reduction techniques such as yoga and meditation.

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 




Monday, 19 September 2016

SPOONIE: Pain, nausea and a bit of a moan

Whenever I write a personal post like this, I do it for me. I dont scheduele, I just wake up, something riles me and I write. I always love the response to these posts because most of you message me or comment and are wonderfully understanding.

Others? Not so much. I have spoken in length before about starting the FODMAP diet (which I am currently on hiatus from as I wasn't eating much at all) but for me its a journey of discovering what I can eat and what makes me feel ill. Some days I can eat so much without it affecting me, a few weekends ago I had a full on indian takeaway and I was fine. Yet this weekend I have fault nauseas all weekend and am now pretty much back to water and plain crisps / rich tea biscuits.

Lets recap. I have said onions, garlic, beans, legumes, honey and apple are my biggest IBS triggers. Yet ive recently had a lot of "advice" to eat more fruit and vegetables. Despite saying that I am working on a trial and error basis. This same commenter said I shoul just wear an adult diaper and get on with it.

Its so frustrating.

I am currently in pain trying to get myself to sleep before my 4 night shufts. I had to cancel half my shifts last week because I was in excruciating pain similar to when I had pancreatitis! Two days in bed seemed to have it wear off but Im feeling it come back slightly ... getting on the buscopan early this week!

I am revamping my Charlottelucyfoodie instagram account and trying to sort my diet out a bit and slowly try and eat a bit more and try and figure out what foods are really upsetting me. When I get back from haven I am going to be going dairy free for four weeks to see if dairy is triggering me! I am also hoping to see a dietician. Oh and I have blood test results wednesday so fingers crossed!

Anyway, if you have made it to the end thankyou!

 

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 

Sunday, 18 September 2016

BLOG LOVE: Sunday round up four.

Its only Thursday as I am starting to write this but already this week there are a few posts that have stood out to me and I wanted to make sure I shared the love with these bloggers! There is a real mix of posts I have loved this week (and a few bloggers I have featured in my blog love posts before! These girls are killing it!)

1. Why I can't eat spanish biscuits any more





When I started reading this post I had no idea where it would have taken me by the end. A post that started off making me think about how food can make you reminisce and left me thinking a lot about health, specifically mental health and who I used to be. A beautifully written piece from Hannah


 
2. My Transplant Journey Part One

I didn't use a photo from Josies blog post, because I felt her post was so personal that I didn't want to. Anyway, I have seen a lot of bloggers talking about the importance of organ donation this week but none are as personal as this! Josie seemed to disappear from her blog for months - and for good reason she was having a double lung transplant! Her post is so well written and really opened my eyes to how important being a donor is (I am a donor and have been since I was old enough to be!)

3. Not fat enough for plus size


I fell in love with Lucinda when she was shortlisted for bloggers blog awards (to which I am so excited to be attending! Will I be meeting you there?) anyway her post this week sums up how I have been feeling recently about myself. I look at smaller bloggers and think I wish I looked like you, and then look at bigger bloggers and think wow I wish I had your figure. Lucinda talks about being slap bang in the middle and I think I just need to take a leaf from her book and embrace just being me ... whatever size that is.

4. 10 Dos and Donts for new bloggers


Kirstie wrote this post for new bloggers, but I actually think a lot of people could take some advice from this! I really dont want to cause arguements but some of the behaviour I have seen recently on twitter just makes me face palm. People believing that they SHOULD have been invited to things or that they shouldnt have to pay for certain events because, DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM. Stay humble guys, work hard and remember the world doesn't owe you a thing.

5. Getting Older and Body Confidence
Pull Yourself Together 


Right lets first get the obvious point out here: Hannah has a lovely bum. Now thats out, I wanted to include this post because having loved hannahs blog for years now this girl just inspires me. a hard working medical student by day how she manages to produce content daily is beyond me! And yet she is always so down to earth and honest about her struggles with depression.

 

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 

Friday, 16 September 2016

LETS TALK: Do we go over our budget to be accepted as bloggers?



When I first decided to start this blog I was in debt. I was living beyond my means and I am ashamed to say that blogging made it worse. I thought nothing of going into boots and spending £50 in one go on trying out new face masks and toiletries.

I thought that having takeout coffees and proceeding to instagram the cup was nothing. Just a small expense, a little treat that I deserved. However when you start running out of money by the end of the month and start just putting a few pounds on your credit card here and there it soons adds up.

Add into that the things life throws at you (our fridge and freezer both broke within a week of each other so these needed replacing, whip out the dredit card again) and you are soon spiralling downward into a world of living beyond your means. Recently I have noticed that the online community convinces people they need things to be a good blogger. The props, the cameras, the expensive makeup. I am not saying that it is wrong to buy these things, or to treat yourself but when these things are beyond your means it is a vicious circle.

You start to value your worth on the things that you own, and these images portrayed around us become normal. You watch makeup collection hauls and think that it is perfectly normal to own 50,000 foundations, forgetting that the people showing them a) get sent a lot of the stuff they recieve and b) earn a lot more than you do.

Luckily, I managed to transfer all my store card, credit card etc debt onto one 0% interest card and I am genuinely ashamed of myself for getting into it in the first place. I am now on the way to paying that bloody thing off and I never want to have it again.

What I want to say to you is this:

You don't HAVE to spend money to be a blogger.

Start by using your camera on your phone, get creative with the clothes you already own to style outfits and above all dont get yourself into debt to fulfill your hobby. It isnt worth it.

I love my blog and I love being a blogger but I am going to promise this from now on I will:

  • Only feature products on my blog that I would be comfortable spending the money on. 
  • If a brand kindly offers me products that do not fit with my ethos I will politely decline
  • If I am gifted an item via a goody bag that does not fit with my budget I will still include it in an empties or round up post but will make it clear that its not something I would be comfortable spending on and suggest cheaper alternatives.
Over on Shoestring Chic I am comitted to providing posts that stick with my budget ethos. The whole mintion statement of that blog is looking good on a budget. Over the coming months I will be sharing with you my favourite budget outfits (mostly charity shop but some high street), budget skincare, haircare etc.

So I hope you will join me on this quest to prove that you dont have to get yourself into debt to maintain a blogger lifestyle!!

 

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 


Monday, 12 September 2016

SPOONIE: IBS Musings.


I really need to take some stock photos of my own and have some more original images for my IBS posts. The problem is when I talk about my IBS, what photos would I use? There could be an arty shot of my toilet roll, my loperimide (anti shitting tablets for those who dont know) or even a selfie of me where I spend a lot of my time ... on the toilet?

People are quick enough to comment about having IBS. Oh yeah I got bloated after a curry because I have IBS or I cant eat gluten because of my IBS. While a lot of the time people mean well I cant help but feel that IBS gets a bad name as being "a bit of a sore tummy" or a "little bit of diarrhea" after you have eaten too much.

Well I am going to tell you in advance now this post gets a bit TMI so if thats not your thing then maybe turn away now and come back soon when I am not getting so personal? Ok?

IBS has affected my life for about 9 years now, and it has affected it every single day for about 6 months now. There have been times when I have not made it to the toilet. I have also sat on buses convinced that I am going to have an accident, desperately looking out of the window for a pub, supermarket, any place that I could possibly relieve myself.

I have turned down events because I have been worried that there wont be a toilet. Or that there will, but then all the beauty girls will be talking about me cause I spend so long in there. Come on girls we all know that we all go to the toilet in groups and I tell you know there is nothing worse than sitting in a toilet, wandering what unholy noise your insides are going to make while you know that your glamourous blogger friends are stood outside applying their makeup.

Then there is the crippling stomach cramps. Buscopan might be the absolute god of fixing it for me at the moment but when you wake up at 3am sweating and shaking with your stomach in knots. Your husband sleeping next to you, you dont want to have to disturb him to sort out tablets so you lie there feeling dizzy and nauseous and hope that youll go back off to sleep.

The anxiety. The worry weeks before anything that requires travelling out of your comfort zone. The doubt, that even though you know the train station has a toilet, what if it is out of order or someone else is in it. What if your train is so crowded you cant physically get out of your seat to get to the toilet? What if, god forbid, you cant hold it and have an accident in a strange new city with no help and no clue where the nearest facilities are.

We dont talk about this stuff enough.

Next time you think IBS is just a little stomach ache, or just something I am over reacting about, remember that this, coupled with my depression has left me not wanting to go on before. Wishing that something would just stop.

Im not going to let it beat me anymore. Im going to be trying everything to cope with this, and hopefully sharing it with you all here.

 

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here