Monday, 8 February 2016
Why I Am Taking Control Of My Health At Last ...
So, I have spoken a little on the blog over the past month about how I have been struggling with my health. Strangely it took me until very recently to realise how much my physical and mental health conditions affect each other.
Last year I spent a lot of time in hospital, and on my last visit in May I had a consultant tell me that he didn't believe I was in pain. As i sat there crying, for the first time I wanted to give up. I felt like in the previous couple of years not only had my body decided to give up on me but so had the NHS. I felt alone, worthless and my depression went downhill.
I had missed hen nights, birthdays, christenings ... you name it. I was either in hospital or in bed too exhausted to move. Its a viscous cycle, as the more down I felt, the more I didn't want to move and the worse my pain got. I was on a sickness warning at work, and sadly I lost a few friends who didnt understand my illness.
Living with fibromyalgia is difficult. Living with depression on top of that has sometimes felt like a living hell. I can't let it beat me though and I have decided to dedicate my time to me and my health. I feel that I can no longer rely on doctors to help. Dont get me wrong my gp has been fantastic, but when the pain doctors dont believe you, you have to start looking down other routes.
SO I am no longer trying to cure my pain, instead I am focusing on learning coping strategies. I have handed in my notice on my really demanding heavy job and I am now working on a temporary basis, while really trying to decide my plan for long term.