Monday, 26 September 2016

SPOONIE: Depression and the black dog.

Friday night something swept over me. Id had a great day out with a friend, and a really nice chinese. Yet I felt like someone had put this heavy chain mail cloak over me and I couldn't move.

Thinking I was just tired I went off to bed. Saturday started fine and we spent the day just lazing around, watching telly but i kept feeling my anxiety rising. Anxiety and Depression when playing up at the same time feel suffocating. The Anxiety makes your heart race, and feel on edge while the depression side wants to shut you down. We went out for dinner, we went to tesco and I felt really happy, laughing and joking with my brother.

Then I got home and cried. I feel pretty worthless at the moment. I feel like I should have some kind of plan and yet I am just kind of muddling along. I am so up and down at the amount. I cant do anything without analysing every little detail. I have been saying yes to things and then when it comes down to it not being able to go along.

I feel like I am letting a lot of my friends down and I feel like I am going to end up alone.

Tom has been fantastic. He understands that sometimes I need to nap. Sometimes I need to cry.

I have also been thinking is it my anxiety stopping me doing things, or am I doing some things just because I feel I should. I have been talking to a couple of my friends (no need to tag them, they know who they are and one especially helped me out loads on saturday night) and I have to think that sometimes I dont want to go clubbing, I like to spend my nights in with Tom.

I have written this because thats what I do. I write. I write my feelings and right now I am not feeling too good. I know I can get out of this, but it will take a while. Im going away from friday and I hope to sort my head out while Im away. Whether I blog or not while I am away I dont know

Do you know I have a fashion blog? Read it here 

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