Sunday, 6 November 2016
Anxiety ... I Hate you.
I have been feeling for a while now that I am in control of my anxiety. After deciding that my anxiety was 100% related to my IBS I thought I was winning. I was getting the bus into work or town and if I started to feel panicky I had strategies ... breathing exercises and audiobooks that I could listen to and would calm me down.
Recently I have been feeling a lot more paranoid. Some of my so called friends have been ignoring me, and in turn I told myself theres a lot of people out there who dont like me. But that was ok, thats just life I thought.
Then yesterday happened.
Tom was taking me to the station to get my train for the blogosphere christmas market event and I just couldnt do it. I could not get on that train. I cried, a lot and begged him to take me home. I tried everything I could to calm down but my head was just a whirl of everything bad that would happen if I got on that train. The rational part of me just could not be heard and he took me home.
At first I was just exhausted. Felt a failure but couldnt really do anything about it. After a long sleep and a hot bath I have woken up today knowing that I need help. I have thought I was ok because I can take myself out on familiar routes, when actually my anxiety has stopped me doing anything out of the ordinary. I am going to try and set myself some small but managable tasks ... but bear with me here. Im scared.