If I had a physical health problem, like when I had gasorenteritis or tonsilitis I would have no problem ringing up and cancelling my shifts. So it baffles me that when the beginning of last week despite trying to supress it for a couple of weeks now, on realising I needed some time off to heal my mind, I couldnt face ringing them.
It also occured to me that I have never once told an employer that I needed time off because of my depression or anxiety. And that SUCKS. Now this isn't me saying my employers are horrible, I might tell them and they might be really sympathetic but there is just a wall there that stops me.
For weeks now I have had a niggle that something isnt right. I have been requiring a lot more sleep, I havent really been feeding myself properly, I havent wanted to socialise and I have had a real kind of empathy towards doing anything. Do you know how exhausting it is to try and wnjoy yourself when you are feeling down?
Don't get me wrong there have been rare snips of time during this when I have really enjoyed myself! The #IntuSpringStyle event for example was fabulous, but with every high comes an even deeper low.
I have been spending money like its going out of fashion. Luckily my tastes are more budget or I would be in a lot of trouble. I opened up about this in the Money Mess to Financial Success group run by the lovely Jenni and I have been overwhelmed by the support! Also Reading Cait's post Treating yourself is not the answer hit me like a tonne of bricks. I know eaxactly how she was feeling with what she was saying.
Anyway, this is a bit rambly but I just had to get it down how I was feeling.