Monday, 15 July 2019

36 Weeks To Go ...

If everything goes to plan I will be back at uni 36 weeks today. 

I almost feel like I am pregnant. Counting down the weeks until I myself re emerge into the world as a student nurse. In this time I am healing and growing, mentally and physically to become the woman I want to be. I am learning so much about myself, and honestly becoming someone I am really proud of. Since my surgery (which seems like a lifetime ago now) I have been on a go slow. 

For the first few weeks I barely left the house. I let my anxiety get the better of me, and I sat inside worrying. 

For the past few weeks I have been forcing myself out of bed every morning and filling my mornings with charity shopping. Sitting on buses reading my latest book, scouring charity shops hunting for a bargain and trying out dresses and outfits that Im not sure have been really me. Im home by lunch time where I have been taking time to make myself a good meal and then I spend my afternoons cleaning, reading, doing jigsaw puzzles, watching films or listening to podcasts. My life has been a lot slower and I have been grateful for it.

I am ready now to start slowly building things up. I want to build a body that can support me through the journey of becoming a nurse and beyond. I read Alix's post and it really inspired me. I need to know what's best for me, living with chronic illness is tough but I have never let it stop me, until I did. While I was mindful of my physical symptoms I have always pushed the mental side effects under the rug. I was really reluctant to take any medication (I had a horrendous time on citalopram a few years ago) but when I spoke to my counsellor early this year she said, "if you had a heart condition would you stop taking the pills because they made you nauseas?" and right there and then I new I had to go back to my GP. 

I have been on sertraline now for around 3 months, and the first few weeks were awful. I felt dizzy, struggled to concentrate in lectures and felt generally tearful, although now I know that during this time I was growing a huge cyst so who knows which was the main culprit. However, I finally feel on an even keel. Ready to face the world again.

I am going to use this blog a bit like a diary, sharing with you things that have helped me each week, adventures I have been on and any words of wisdom among the way. If you want to hear the ramblings of a slightly mad 28 year old as she tries to get her shit together and become a nurse, then stay tuned!

Videos I have uploaded this week: 

Wear My Wardrobe #2

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